These are a list of things as of January 2021 that my body does very poorly.

Riding A Bike

Even after being alive for 21 years and living in Japan (where everyone rides a bike), I still can’t ride one.

Bikes don’t make sense to me. I can imagine balancing on a unicycle better.

Detecting Threats

If any blowing bubbles get on my skin, my body freaks out. I swell up for a day or two (because, obviously, these cute little orbs are very life-threatening and dangerous).

Does this mean Elmo is stronger than me?

Parallel Parking

Even if it took me SEVEN HOURS to drive somewhere and the only available parking was by parallel parking, I’d literally just drive back home. I don’t care.

FYI they still parallel park better than me.

Growing

Most people in my family are 5’6 or taller, but I’m currently 5’2.

My family keeps track of my height on a door, hoping that I get taller… But I’ve been shrinking ever since middle school for no reason.

An actual photo of what’s happening inside my DNA.

Driving on Roundabouts

If you’re ever in the car with me for one of these, I might give you whiplash or kill us both.

But if you’re ever driving around me at one of these, you better be in one place and one place only. As far away from me as possible.

Contractors and construction workers knowing that they’re ruining my life after they build another roundabout.

Tolerating Milk

I’d honestly have no hard feelings toward natural selection if being lactose intolerant took me out. I need to do better and I know it.

@semisoft_sam
JUST TOLERATE IT 🐄 #fyp #foryou #lactose #foryoupage #viral TikTokBrushes
♬ original sound – semisoft_sam

Reading “Sew” Correctly

This is very minor but it just bugs me how my brain knows it’s pronounced “so” but my eyes read it as “sue”.

Doing Yoga

I can do yoga just fine, but my bones crack a lot and I’m just tired of scaring everyone in the studio.

Hiccups

I feel so bad for anyone who has had to be in the same room as me while I battle hiccups. They sound like this, but slightly shorter.

Enjoying Bardcore

Not sure if my serotonin levels are just that low or if my ears are broken, but I can’t stop listening to this.

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1mHShRRCwTH83HsF5Z79CL?si=e6U1RpnQQtqzi50OkURpgA

Thanks for reading! 🙂

Featured Image by Islander Images on Unsplash

4 Replies to “Barely Briething”

Brie, your post title was so clever – I love it!

I loved this, so fun! And parallel parks in my worst nightmare, I always make my friends do it for me in my own car…

Brie, I absolutely adored this post; I felt so many of these on a personal level. My dad will make me switch seats with him to parallel park! I am also obsessed with Bardcore so thank you for providing that Spotify link!

Brie, this is literally so creative and I learned so much. Your sense of humor is wonderful, as always! (making people laugh and smile is something you can add to the list of things you are GREAT at!)